don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
