i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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