I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
