I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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