OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
