forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
