Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
