; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
