I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize