dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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