I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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