How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
