If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
