The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
