Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
