dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Are we still banned from the library?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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