I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
