I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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