Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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