Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We're too hungover to prance.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
