dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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