Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize