ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
