belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
