I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
