Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
FUCK WHALES
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
