he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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