haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
