a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
