Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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