you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
