I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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