Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
