if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
