We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
