I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
