The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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