When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
