Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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