In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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