Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
