There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
