If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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