I just saw a hot homeless man
Tell her she can't have a vagina
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
