She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
