Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
