im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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