everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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