It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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