we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
there is glitter all over my balls
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
