I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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