I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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