you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
