I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
