There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
