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I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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