my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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