Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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