this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
