I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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