i need an iv and a liver transplant
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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