Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
