Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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