We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
