I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
