i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
