i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
