At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
