To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize