If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
