i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
