Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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