oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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