spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he shaved USA in his pubs
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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