I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im holly from the hills drunk
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
