I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
