FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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