i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize