great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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