fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
